|Unrepentant Criminal Gets Sainthood?
By Lloyd Hart - 05/15/05
When I was 7 years old I was anally raped in the men's bathroom of the Capitol Theater in Winnipeg, Manitoba by a Catholic priest. I was lured into this situation with the promise money. I came from the home of a hard-working single mom struggling to raise four children on her own and where of course we did not have a great deal money. So the promise of money was very attractive to my seven year old imagination. Little did I know what the cost to my life over the next several decades would come too.
This violent and premature sexual awakening would take its toll on every aspect of my life, family and friends thereafter which included a brief but soul wrenching eight month engagement in prostitution.
My relations with girls and then women were either shallow or guarded or completely obsessive. Being the youngest of four and being four years younger than the next oldest I didn't have a whole lot of play contact with my older siblings so I found myself obsessing sexually on my own. With no way to express these feelings it seemed that I turned to stealing money from my mother. I suppose as an unconscious act to send a signal that there was something terribly wrong. I stole my mother's entire formidable coin collection and seemingly endless amounts of cash from her purse. In the 1960's there were no avenues of discussion or investigation of the symptoms of sexual abuse and therefore those children including myself did not have anywhere to go except for aberrant behavior.
Part of that aberrant behavior was to shut out the influence of authority figures all around me and especially at school. Even though being very bright I barely made it through elementary school and did eventually drop out of school entirely. The emotional state of mind of one not having a father around and two dealing with the emotional nightmare of sexual abuse I simply could not cope in the day to day of it all.
Entering puberty and all the sexual experimentation that comes with it was indeed magnified out of porportion as a result of the sexual abuse. I have clear memories of dragging my friends, some willingly and some not, when I was 10 and 11 years of age to places that definitely bordered on and sometimes crossed into the land of sexual abuse. These memories still wrench at me to this day.
As I got older and progressed through puberty to being a teenager I found I could not progress to the kisses and affections of the young girls I was attracted to and who were attracted to me with the same ease that my friends found so natural and open. I saw myself attempting to conspire in absolute secrecy sexual relations with girls I had no heartfelt feelings for and who I would later deny in public as having anything to do with.
After failing terribly so many times to connect with a young women as a teenager I finally did fall in love with a young woman named Valerie who seemed to love and care for me in a completely unconditional way. However for some reason I could bring myself to kisses but could not bring myself to have sexual intercourse with though being madly in love with her. This I later discovered was a symptom of the sexual abuse. Sex to me or at least my first experience of it was in that bathroom in the Capitol Theater. I did not know how to get past that image of sex in my mind to the place that Valerie was taking me with her beautiful and open heart. Unfortunately, Valerie could not possibly understand what was stopping me and our relationship soon ended.
In many ways Valerie had opened my heart but my mind and body were desperately struggling until I did find some sexual abuse peers, young female prostitutes whom I discovered I had so much in common. It was not long before I was caught up in sexually prostituting myself to a broad range sexually unenlightened lonely and wealthy mostly male customers through an escort service called Tiffanys that operated for a number of years in Winnipeg. It was as if I was attempting to exercise the terrible image of that bathroom in the Capitol Theater from the very fiber of my flesh and bone by throwing myself at this mad orgy of flesh that would last eight months. Part of my duty of being employed at Tiffany's was that I was to deliver young prostitutes to customers and in some cases protect them if the customer became unreasonable or violent. The great irony of working at Tiffany's was that I foumd myself delivering prostitutes to the home of the Archbishop of the Catholic Church of Maintoba. I did not know who was greeting our girls at the door at one o'clock in the morning, I just knew that the discovery struck me like a knife in the heart.
If it wasn't for my mother who was carefully observing all my aberrant behavior, the stealing, the violent outbursts of temper and smashing of animate objects, the wetting of the bed every night, to the constant rejection of authority figures I don't think I would have ever survived the terrible ordeal of emotional and sexual torment. After attempting everything she could with what little money she had she finally took me to the transcendental meditation center in Winnipeg when I was 12 years of age where they taught me how to meditate. The bedwetting stopped that day and I found a way to at least struggle against the onslaught of becoming a young man in a world that had no patience for my symptoms of sexual abuse.
I am deeply grateful to all those who have known me, my family and freinds and especially those who do not know this story and that have struggled to care for me over the years. Without you in my life and in my memories I would not have the strength to expose what I have struggled with all these years. I know that I have hurt the feelings of many of you at times and for this I beg you forgiveness but because of your caring I am indeed better person today.
This is the first time I am exposing this story publicly for reasons that are obvious but I simply cannot stand by while the leaders of the Catholic Church who led a criminal conspiracy to cover up and hide what amounts to be the world's largest child sex ring that creaped around the entire Catholic parish complex worldwide from being exposed. When men in positions of great responsibility conspire in a criminal conspiracy on such a vast scale are not called to answer for their crimes and in fact move to swiftly beatify the arch criminal in this matter the recently deceased Pope John Paul in this global conspiracy, this global child sex ring, it is a signal that the consiracy continues. There will be more victims.
By moving Pope John Paul's right hand man and rabid attack dog into the position of being Pope, Benedict XVI who as it turns out was recently exposed as being the man who managed the criminal conspiracy on behalf of the pope and with the permission of the pope to use all of the churches resources to buy the silence of its victims, the Catholic Church is destroying the path to a repentant church behind it as it marches aggressively forward on an agenda of being anti child, anti women, anti truth and therefore anti Christ.
As one of your victims I demand that you Pope, Benedict XVI step down from your questionable office and confess your sins in open court for all to see and hear. It is the only way forward for a church who's foundation crumbles from under it.